An Obituary of the Late Mr. Rivalry (between India and Pakistan in cricket matches).*

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Rivalry (between India and Pakistan in cricket matches) , who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost at the time partition. Rivalry will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Hate each other, Win at all costs, No match should be concluded without some good ol' sledging, among other things.

Rivalry started even before the time both the teams set their foot on the ground, the crowds started to cheer and the commentators engaged in setting up players with each other.

Rivalry's health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing tournaments like the IPL were set in place. Reports of a 30-year-old Younis Khan laughing his lungs out when he bowled the last over for four runs when the Indian scoreboard showed 331 shocked many purists; Afridi completed his bowling quota without even uttering a word to the Indian batsmen; Kamran Akmal going through the motions without even shouting or encouraging other players from behind the stumps.

Rivalry lost ground when Pakistani players were just short of back-slapping the Indian players on live tv.

It declined even further when IPL team-mates from both the sides thought that they were in an extended net session. Rivalry lost the will to live when there was no fight-back or resistance from the Pakistan side when India were routing them merrily. Rivalry took a beating when Pakistan team known not known for meek surrenders especially against India folded their innings with 15 overs to go.

Rivalry finally gave up the will to live, after Pakistan gave up the match even before the first ball had been bowled.

Rivalry was preceded in death, by his parents Partition and Politics, his wife Hostility, his daughter Sledging, his son Detest.

He is survived by his 4 step brothers;

Too many India-Pak matches

India-Australia is the rivalry to watch now

Pakistan team is no more the same

Pakistan team plays only with minnows

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

My dear Rivalry you will be dearly missed.

*Based on “An Obituary printed in the London Times”